What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 20:11
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Popular Diabetes Drug Linked to Longer Life – Could It Help You Live Past 90? - SciTechDaily
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I couldn’t, believe it.
What is the best reply if your boyfriend asks you,"why do you love me?"
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
What is the difference between the Bible and the Qur'an?
She loved him until the end.
We were not on the streets..
I was seconnd youngest,
So, i spoilt her more .
Who then, do I blame.?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Elden Ring Nightreign Patch Notes Include Promised Improvements For Solo Play - GameSpot
As i do to all so called friends.?
Ive learnt so much.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Horoscope for Monday, June 09, 2025 - Chicago Sun-Times
Would this be the day?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And i lived it daily.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Put me off passion for life!!
How did Nickelback gain a large fan base despite criticism of their music?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
All the time i was locked up.
U.S. Employers Are Shedding Jobs as DOGE Cuts Deep - Barron's
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
With record crowd watching, Sky get blown out by Fever in first WNBA game at United Center - AP News
He knew the spot.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
(And it was in our own minds.)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Those Ice Baths May Not Be 'a Great Idea' - Newser
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Mars’ Mysterious Dark Streaks Are NOT Caused by Water! Here’s the Real Story - The Daily Galaxy
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why some allergy experts want this popular group of drugs to go away - Deseret News
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I could never make a relationship work though!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
When she asked me how she looked .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im still living with it.
She married twice! .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We all went to grammer schools
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He resisted the act ,that day.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She wouldn,t have been !
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She found it foreign!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It was going to be , some day.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My family never makes their pension either.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I waited trembling.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But ive been too sick for many years..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But it wasn’t much.
I was scared of men, in general
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was 9 years of age.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So whats the point in blame.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I said to her
Was to survive, this bastard.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I think the readers, may guess!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I don,t even have a pension.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
This is soul school!.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She was in good health!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One cannot live in the past .
I was very sick at this time too.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Comes on , in middle age.
I have no regrets .
What did i know ?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I never cut or harmed myself..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My life is so biszare .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why did i forgive my father ?
But, we were locked up after school.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I will be 64.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I write beautiful poetry .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Especially a lifetime of it.